Saturday, February 11, 2012

Confessions of an "Unlonely" Loner

[And another repost from my old Multiply account. Yes, I'm on lazy mode.]

Single, but never alone. What does it really mean?

Several years back, we were tasked to carry on the leadership of the Single Adults Ministry (SAM) in our church. I always love to do the visuals and promotions, and with the help of our then-new digital projector and PC (which ran on a 256mb RAM, and a proud 60gb HDD), I'd take time to tinker with ideas and stuff.

One of the challenges then was thinking of a good concept on how to promote the SAM. I mean, what is SAM all about? Looking at our small group, it wasn't exactly a pretty sight: most had relational issues - that meant both those who had relationship problems, and many of those who wished they had a relationship. But as the weeks go by, I realized a question: What makes them come back and stay?

Single, but never alone. It was both an idea and a challenge - yet something I myself didn't understand fully.

Despite being in the ministry, I can't deny the loner in me to find escape from time to time (well, okay - maybe more often than necessary). Being in a relationship then assured me that I have someone to run to when needed. But alas, I found myself staring at the same shoe I've been observing from others for a long time - and feeling that strong pang of loneliness which I haven't experienced for a long time struck me with a crushing blow.

Single, but never alone. I was starting to disbelieve it, starting to swear it off as an impossible ideal. A fanciful catch-phrase, even.

Ambling through the nights and days alone, rejecting companionship yet feverishly craving it, I always found myself back at the small group of friends at my church. I didn't mind being unnoticed (in fact, I tried my best to be unnoticed), but just being able to hear them, be with them... it encouraged me enough to slowly find my strength again.

Single, but never alone. Looking back, I understood what my emotional journey was all about - it may have been a dark adventure for me, but it did opened my eyes that despite being a loner, God knows how much I need friends to remind me that I will never walk and face life alone... And even though everyone goes their own ways someday, I can rest in confidence that He will always be by my side till the day I greet Him face to face.

So here I am, still single... maybe lonely at times... but who's complaining? With God's love and promises, and a group of pesky friends who care for me when I don't, what more could I ask for?

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