While I never truly considered suicide, I did wonder if I was better off dead. Just for the kick of it: how would my funeral be like, what would people say about me, and who would bother to visit my coffin.
That is, outside my hectic "life."
What does it truly mean to live?
I remember well the tagline from Braveheart. It says:
"Every man dies. Not every man really lives."
Having watched numerous zombie films, read through zombie manga, and even played zombie games... it makes me wonder what being a zombie really is like. Just living to satiate one's hunger, one's desire (come to think of it - I never encountered a scene where a zombie gets thirsty)... shuffling through life aimlessly... only devouring those who are different to them.
And looking at the normal society we currently belong to, I'd say we already have our own zombie invasion.
Chasing deadlines after deadlines makes me wonder if I'm no different from a zombie. I often scold myself for being too wrapped up with stuff to do, that I neglect my relationships - my own family, my friends... and even my own personal relationship with God. Everything became routine work - just a matter of accomplishing each task, so that I can move on to the next one.
Who says zombies don't exist?
Which brings me to the question - have I really started to live...
- By straining to reach my dreams?
- By stretching out my heart to care for more people?
- By seeking out my purpose as designed by my Creator?
Well, I can't truly answer my own question yet. But thank God I'm alive enough to bother reflecting about it.